When will you get married? When will you have kids?
As a late 20s single, I get asked this often. Usually by woman older than me, usually at family gatherings by those who are not exactly family (insert side eye). I have questions of my own umm…when are you going to start minding your business? When did these questions about love lives and reproduction become acceptable as small talk? Do I look like a psychic? Shall I get Jesus on the mainline and ask him for you? Can I ask you equally invasive questions about the progress of your life? I know the fact that I have made it to 28 without getting knocked up is shocking. I’m a millennial, being barefoot and pregnant is not at the top of my goal list for my 20s. I have focused on other areas, that are going quite well so questions about starting a family always leave me perplexed for a number of reasons....let's get into it.
1. It is very rare that these inquisitors ask me about the progress of other areas of my life. “How is work going?” “When do you see yourself getting promoted again?” These minds seem to only inquire about a man and some babies. Makes me think about what is expected of a woman in her 20s, what are we expected to achieve? Would it be more acceptable to hit 30 without advancing in my career than to be a 30-year-old single lady? What about asking me about my spirituality or how active I am in my community? Nope! Who cares! When will you get knocked up?
2. For those who only ask, “when will you have kids?”, I am not married. Now, I am not knocking the single momma or the baby momma but both scenarios are considered less than ideal. Should women be so eager for children that we start getting pregnant with whoever is around? What about the rest of our lives? What about life post the baby shower? Never mind child support or being raised in a two-parent home. How about we handle my life in chronological order, first comes love, then comes marriage, then…you all know the rest.
3. Do men get asked these same questions? Are they put under the same pressure to “settle down” or can they spend decades being successful bachelors and no one bat an eye? The double standard is interesting considering it takes both male and female parts to reproduce.
I do not judge or think anything is wrong with those who marry and become parents at a young age. To each their own. But for some reason even in 2016, that lifestyle is more "accepted". This new age of 20 somethings that are starting businesses and living unstable freelance lives and then starting families later is still new to many. To those who still don't get it, I just say "stay tuned ;)".
How do you all feel about this topic? Are you often asked these questions?